I Was Wondering...

Whatever happened to Monica Lewinsky? Does she date? Would she vote for Hillary? Does she work, or have various book deals and TV appearances set her up for life?

Well, it turns out she went to London and earned a Master's Degree. God, good for her.

Were we ever so innocent?

Cartoon Network Makes Boston Earn It

We live in a strange, sometimes scary world. Everyone is always told to be "diligent," and "on alert," but when we can't even trust people from the moon...well, that's a world I don't want to live in.

BE HONEST

On a scale of 1-10, how gross do you think I am for wanting John Stamos to date one of the Olsen twins?

Greatest Thing Ever!

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were Victoria Beckham. Self-hatred/adoration, a desperate desire for fame, a pinch of talent and a fistful of crazy make up this woman's psyche, and I think it would be great to live like that for a day.

But then, oh, then I read about the possibility of her starring in a Scientology film produced by Tom Cruise. Who wouldn't want to spend six months of their life attempting to method-act their way through a role as a thetan alien bride?

I swear, if this ends up as Spice World meets Battlefield Earth, the world may be sucked in a black hole of camp. And I would be cool with that.

Oh Dear God, No

Tim Gunn may not be on the next "Project Runway."

I wonder which one of my friends will find my cold, dead body on the first Thursday morning after next season's premire of "Project Runway?" If I don't have Tim Gunn in my life, I might have to hang myself with some of the extra tulle I've got lying around.

In Super-Limited Release...

Crispin Glover's What Is It?

There's a brief glimpse of breasts and ass, so if you're at work, be cautious. Also: People with Down Syndrome in blackface. Just so you know. However, it's far less scary than that fucking PS3 commerical. I hate that thing.

Pierce Brosnan's Desperation

Were you - wait, was anyone aware of the Mrs. Doubtfire sequel in the works? Maybe it's because I'm not a big-shot Hollywood producer, but I honestly don't understand the need to make sequels to films that are over 10 years old.

So far Robin Williams and Pierce Brosnan are the only two actors listed in the credits on IMDb. Here's hoping Sally Field can take time off from filming her osteoporosis commercials and make sure this giant ball of suck is as poorly executed on film as it is in premise.

Trashley Responds to Criticism!

So it's almost 7 am, and I check my e-mail to find the following comment posted on an entry I wrote months ago:

Its a shame you buy into crap like him. He's a fat criminal bastard who hopefully will rot in hell. You seemed cool until i read this shit about Kayne, he has you fooled, but he couldnt fool the judges, or me.

Goodness. After doing a simple bit of sleuthing, I find that this reader left the comment around 3 in the morning, is relatively close to where Kayne (and I) grew up, and found my blog after doing a Google search for it.

Clearly, and I mean clearly, this is a bitter ex. Know why? I don't see the word "fag" anywhere, that's why. Anyone who spends their time looking up blog writings about a local-ish reality TV contestant whose actual television appearances ended a month or two prior has got to be bitter about something. Considering the hatred in the the comment and the location, all I have to say is this:

1. I am cool. Cooler than everyone and
2. Please return and share your Kayne stories with the world. So much hate can only come from former love.

Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me

This is the most evil commerical ever.

Practical Uses for Shit

Though Vegemite is now illegal in the US (maybe?), we can still eat Marmite, it's British cousin. I'm sure insane purists will tell me there are dozens of differences between the two spreads, but nasty is nasty so fuck 'em. Those people don't eat peanut butter.

But anyway, if you decide to buy an overpriced jar of Marmite and find it too disgusting to actually swallow (it's a bitter, black yeast extract!), you can make sure it doesn't go to waste and make "Marmart."

To the left you'll find Jude Law. Class-y.

No Fucking Way

Um, Hello Magazine says Tony Blair may add David Beckham to the shortlist of those to be knighted. Now, I know that means absolutely nothing anymore, but the magazine says,

"[...] there can be little doubt that the Beckhams are among Britain's best-loved and most respected public figures. The Real Madrid star has, in the words of one insider, "become the enduring sporting icon of this generation", while his wife is known as the UK's most fashionable celeb."

Seriously? That's just weird.

Axel Foley Knocks Up Scary Spice

I'm sure the kid will grow up more well-adjusted than the new baby Madonna just bought.

Irrelevant

"People" magazine paid about $1 million dollars for the pictures of Anna Nicole and Howard K. Stern's "commitment ceremony." They were set the fuck up. Clearly this couple are not in a relationship in any way, but funerals and new babies are expensive. God willing, someday I'll be famous and wasted enough to fake marry my lawyer, too.

Jesus Camp

Does anyone else want to see this? From the preview, it looks like the sleeper comedy hit of the fall!

What Would YOU Do With $20 Million?

Well, if you're the US government, you'd set it aside for an Iraq "success party."

By the time we finally get to spend the money, I'm sure $20 million will get a few lanes at a bowling alley, a keg of Miller Light, and the biggest "Mission Accomplished" sign you've ever seen.

Of course, I would spend the money on receptions for gay weddings and free contraception for women in poverty, so maybe I'm not the best person to be in charge of fiscal matters, either.

I Dare You

This is Kevin Federline's album cover. I dare you to look into his eyes for a full 30 seconds and then tell me you're not fascinated by him.

Think about it - if you suddenly had all the time and money in the world to live out your dream - even if you're no good at it, would you go through with it? Probably not. You'd do what I would do - buy lots of booze and new clothes, and spend your days traveling the world looking for better booze and nicer clothes.

We all have fantasies and daydreams of being skilled at something we're not. Music, sports, writing, acting, it doesn't matter. Chances are you suck at it just as much as everyone else, and all the practice in the world isn't going to change it. Some talents people are just born with.

That's why I find Kevin so damn interesting. Sure, he's a loser who just spends his lady's hard-earned cash on pipe dreams, but his goddamned hubris has to be admired just a little bit. He's more than happy to humiliate himself in front of the world for no other reason than he believes in himself. I simply wouldn't have the balls to even try.

Terrorists Always Win

At last, Osama can finally get a piece of that sweet, sweet Whitney love!

Seriously though, if you had to choose between Bobby Brown or Osama bin Laden, who would you prefer? Yeah, Osama is a horrible murderous psychopath, but he's not Bobby Brown, you know? Just saying.

MoT Correction

Remember when I called Nancy Grace "useless?" Well, I'd like to make a little revision. She's not totally useless - it seems as if she's really good at pushing people to suicide. Seriously. She's like the Dr. Kevorkian of the aughts.

Modern-Day Prophet?

Stephen Baldwin throws some wisdom down, Jesus-style:

"I represent the new breed of Christians, baby, that are gettin' ready to kick ass in the name of the Kingdom."

Praise Him!


Radar: So can you name the seven deadly sins?
SB: Dude, I'm totally clueless.

I wonder if Stephen ever tries to hang out with Kirk Cameron? I bet he does, and you know Kirk ain't having it.

Missing the Point

Look, it's not the fact that K-Fed was bragging about his "amazing-ass" scores on the GED - it's the fact that he seems to have made $2 million from "Chaotic" and now has almost nothing.

$2,000,000.

From "Chaotic."

I'm pretty sure there were only six episodes, and I'm almost certain no one watched it. It was also on UPN, which isn't even a network anymore. I need my own reality show ASAP. I swear, I won't even try to cut an album after it's over. It'll be Janice Dickinson-esqe, about me trying to start up my own mom-and-pop adult entertainment company, and it'll be called "Trashley Presents: Vanilla Kink."

I'm calling Bravo tomorrow.