Friday, December 19

Games to Help You Ignore Your Family!

Gotta go home for Christmas? Don't want to talk to your family? See if any of these online games give your apathy muscle a workout. 











Am I missing the point if I think this game is awesome? The premise is to keep your adorable little African family alive during droughts, civil wars, epidemics and etc. It's all about strategy - it's pretty fun to guess which disaster they're going to throw at you next, and you can always sell a family member to put a little extra money in the bank. Maybe I'm a cold hearted bitch, but maybe the developer should have thought twice before condensing the lives of the poorest of the poor into a literal fucking game. Either way, I managed to break $100,000! 










Most of the Adult Swim games are pretty fun, but Amateur Surgeon is my favorite. You save cartoon lives by tearing bitches up with pizza cutters and whatnot, and the quickly dwindling timer and blood pressure monitor keep the suspense strong and your hand steady. Bonus: if your gramma looks over your shoulder and catches a glimpse of the funny blood and guts, she's likely to grossed out and not want to talk to you for a few hours. 











The games you play when you're ready to tell your mom that you're gay. 
Let me know what games you'll be playing - everyone out there needs all the help they can get.

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The majority of games sold are all about killing, maiming, and/or destroying everything you see. Often, they're played through the eyes of the killer. You don't have to work for Haliburton to know that killing, even pretend killing, is big business. Killing is the unofficial national sport. Killing is fun. When I grow up, I want to be a killer. Bitches dig killas.

Put in that context, a game where you try to HELP Easteropians survive drought, civil war and epidemics -no matter how patronizing, cynical or subtly racist the game might be- still looks pretty damn good.

I don't believe in the "Let your kid play this game and he'll turn into a killer" school of thought. However, a steady diet of murder and mayhem will make you either numb to it or obsessed by it. You may not wind up walking the halls of your local High School with an AK47 (Isn't there a game about that?) but you could spend your days locked up in the basement of your personal fortress in a gated community and watching America's Most Wanted with a gun on your lap.

At the very least, a steady diet of murder and mayhem will turn you into a more callous asshole than you already are. Hopefully, the opposite is just as true.

Entertainment can frame how you see the world. So, it's nice to see a game that makes the invisible suffering of others a little more visible. Just maybe a few people lining up outside of WalMart to get a copy of Call To War 8 on the day it "drops" might give a moment's thought to the millions of people elsewhere in the world who dodged bullets for a chance to line up for a food.

But I doubt it.

10:43 AM  
Anonymous Brian said...

Orsinal and gay ! Hilarious.

There is a game called Damn Birds, where you control a statue with a gun trying to prevent birds from pooping on you.

8:10 PM  
Anonymous オテモヤン said...

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8:51 PM  

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