Games to Help You Ignore Your Family!

Gotta go home for Christmas? Don't want to talk to your family? See if any of these online games give your apathy muscle a workout. 

Third World Farmer

Am I missing the point if I think this game is awesome? The premise is to keep your adorable little African family alive during droughts, civil wars, epidemics and etc. It's all about strategy - it's pretty fun to guess which disaster they're going to throw at you next, and you can always sell a family member to put a little extra money in the bank. Maybe I'm a cold hearted bitch, but maybe the developer should have thought twice before condensing the lives of the poorest of the poor into a literal fucking game. Either way, I managed to break $100,000! 

Amateur Surgeon

Most of the Adult Swim games are pretty fun, but Amateur Surgeon is my favorite. You save cartoon lives by tearing bitches up with pizza cutters and whatnot, and the quickly dwindling timer and blood pressure monitor keep the suspense strong and your hand steady. Bonus: if your gramma looks over your shoulder and catches a glimpse of the funny blood and guts, she's likely to grossed out and not want to talk to you for a few hours. 

Orisinal

The games you play when you're ready to tell your mom that you're gay. 

Let me know what games you'll be playing - everyone out there needs all the help they can get.

omg hottest politicans ever

My new crush, Rahm Emanuel, has accepted the position of White House Chief of Staff, which means this is setting up to be the best-looking administration any country in the world has ever seen.

I like this picture 'cause it's like I'm looking up at him from my knees. Someone hook up an internship for me plz.

Friendly Advice

Nail polish from the Gap is shit. Don't ever buy it. I take a deep red off of my hands this morning and my fucking nails are left stained like they've been sitting in bowls of cherry Kool-Aid. It's not coming off. My hands are ruined. I am going to have to wear fresh nail polish every day for at least 8 months while this shit grows out. I don't even really wear nail polish that often. My fingernails have just started to look kind of nice, and so I treat them with a little bit of sassy red, and look at what happens. This is fucking ridiculous. 

NEW BLOG NEW BLOG NEW BLOG

Hey! I'm starting a new etiquette/advice blog, and it's kind of hard to post if I don't have any questions. Send your conundrums to ask@askmissseptember.com (or click on the 'Ask Miss September' link at the top of the website).

I can give super excellent and funny advice on dating, dining, how to nicely tell gramma to step off, and a myriad of other postmodern problems destroying young American lives. 

So Apt! So Apt!

Oh, how I wish I could take credit for this comparison, but I actually saw it first on Jezebel. Mostly I'm just glad I'm not the only person who watches "King of the Hill."

My New Thing: Rat-Like Hotness

Example One: Charlie Day

Example Two: Sam Rockwell

How can you not be charmed by their adorable, rat-like faces and vague, sexy grossness? I love them and their lazy facial hair and want them to stay in my life forever. Charlie Day is the best part of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," the best comedy on television. And Sam Rockwell is actually like, an established character actor who has genuine talent. More of this sort of thing, Hollywood!

Just to Clarify...

Oliver Stone's W. is supposed to be a comedy, isn't it? I mean, "What a Wonderful World." Come on. That's funny, right?