MY BAD

Getting ready to move overseas is like, hard and stuff. I've been really busy with banking and cleaning and boxing and throwing away things and packing and deciding which DVDs I love the most. So I haven't been blogging. Whatevs, it's just the internet, you'll get over it.

But please, don't forget to come to the Mercy Lounge this Saturday and bid me farewell. I like to dance and you like free drinks, so everyone's happy, right?

One More

I will be 'spinning' a thirty-minute set on this very night when I 'DJ' with my 'computer.' At the Summer of Dreamz party, I kept it cheesy and Trashy as hell, but you know what? There are going to be actual hipsters here, so who knows what kind of delicious pop savagery I'll drunkenly inflict upon the masses this time around?

Also, as has been mentioned before, I will be leaving the Middle Tennessee area pretty much right after this event. I've got a visa and I'm going to use it - in London, to be more specific: and to be even more specific, I'm going to use it for the six months I legally can. This clambake is turning into a vague going-away-party of sorts, so if you're my friend or if you're really good-looking, do come down and say bye to me. I just might remember it.

Thirdly, I've been asked by a couple of people if I'm going to continue to verbally vomit on the blogwebs while I'm in the UK. The answer is yes, but there are conditions: at the moment, I have no idea where I'm going to be living, so I'm not sure what my internet access is going to be like. Also, I will have like, a real job (as opposed to candyass classes), so that may also be an impediment. I really don't know yet. But there will be posting, and there will almost surely be posting about Katie Price.

Karl Rove to MC Full-Time

Hip-hop heavyweight and right-wing svengali Karl Rove is leaving the White House, probably to take some to collect himself and finally write his masterpiece rhyme. It'll be like The Chronic, if The Chronic had been about what a bitch Valerie Plame is.

Keira Knightley

Will someone please explain? It's like, I think I get it because she's really pretty, but then I see her and all she does is pout. Right now she's in the background pouting in something Arthurian and I saw her on the box of a Pirate DVD pouting like it's the 18th century, then I watched her pout like it was the 19th century and she was a Bennett (god help me). She's the only thing I don't love in Love Actually (the greatest movie of all time). She's not even THAT pretty, maybe. I don't know. I don't hate her, I just...don't get it. It's possible I'm jealous. Is that it? Please someone tell me.

Give Me A Couple Of Days

Trashley Illustrates a Current Event!

Are you dead yet?

High-Fives All Around

What's that? My new temporary love Daniel Radcliffe is starring in a WWI-era film? And he's playing Rudyard Kipling's son? So in addition to being a historic drama at a historic time, there's also some literary shit thrown in there?

Sign me up. Sign me up forever.

From BWE

Did You Know She Was in "Johnny English?"

As a general rule, I can pretty much live without Australia. It's really far away, and other than Cate Blanchett and Geoffry Rush (who might as well be British), it hasn't done much for me lately.

Until this past weekend. That's when I learned Daniel Johns, public anorexic and singer of former-teen rock band Silverchair is married to Natalie "Torn" Imbrulgia. And they have been for a few years! Why did no one tell me?

First of all: hilarious. I have no idea what their celebrity status is in the rest of the world, but as far as these harsh American eyes are concerned, I could not have paired this couple up better myself. What little relevance they had has been reduced to VH1 reminisces and bargain CD racks at gas stations. That they found love with one another means a lot to cynical ol' bitchy me.

You know what's even better about Mr. Daniel Johns? His makeover. He really did wage a much-ignored public battle with anorexia, and by the looks of his neck and facial hair he's well on his way to recovery. I think Silverchair is trying to make some sort of comeback.

Oh, Australia. If you keep throwing me these delicious bones eventually I'll have no choice but to admit you exist.

Question...

Is this guy hot?

His name is Matthew Bellamy and he's the singer/guitarist for Muse. I have absolutely zero opinion on the band: I just have a touch of insomnia and saw a video on VH1. He might be sexy or he might be gross: I probably won't be able to sleep until I find out which. Maybe it's a hint I that had trouble finding a good picture. Maybe it's not his fault most of the pictures were from 1997 when men's hairstyles were, at best, ridiculous. What do you think?

Reading Gets Cooler

There's pretty much only one thing cooler in this world than reading - that's right kids, smoking. And unless you own your own bookstore, it can sometimes be difficult for the image-conscious reader to find a way to combine these two sexy pastimes into one awesome package. Literally.

Well, worry no longer, hip bibliophiles! TankBooks has published a handful of classic (though dude-centric) titles in cigarette box packaging. If you are a handsome man with a beard found to be reading one of these while enjoying a real-life cigarette, then you, sir, are bound to get laid.

From Yewknee

Made of Trash: Officially Relevant

I feel as if I've hit some sort of blogger milestone - near-relevance. How do I know? I opened up my inbox to find not one, but two e-mails from friends suggesting topics for skewering.

You guys. You're going to make me cry.

Funnily enough, the two sites/stories they send me kind of work together! I was directed to Elton John's call to 'close' the internet, which: hilarious. Hilarious especially because "He described himself as a luddite when it comes to technology and said he didn't own a mobile phone or an iPod." That's like asking a vegetarian what cut of meat is best or asking a religious male politician what I should do with my fetus! (Oh, wait.)

Elton blah blahs about music and blah blahs about how kids are indoors all the time, but he misses what the internet is really all about: pornography. Which is where my next site comes in - well, it's not porn. But they do talk at great length about loving little girls. Here's what the site looks like (screencap so you won't get arrested):

Cute, right? Well, it's all sugar and shitty design before you actually start to read the thing and figure out it's about adult love and appreciation for little girls. They liken themselves to Lewis Carroll and Alice, but it struck me more as early Humbert and Lo: he said he would never hurt a girl until he ends up raping one.

The friend who sent me that site is a journalist so I'm not going to ask any questions - but still, Elton: if the internet is shut down, these crazy girllovers are just going to roam the streets, swooping down on any children stupid enough not to be inside with their computers and video games! Think ahead, man!

THIS FRIDAY

My dream? To get to London - and guess what, I'll be gone in less than a month - and will be gone 'til 2008! Come on out Friday night, 'cause I really need the cash and you really need a beer!