"Stop the Music/Play the Song/And We'll Dance Together/All Night Long"

Last week, I was given Clay Aiken's On My Way Here so I could hilariously and mercilessly review it. But it is, in a word, unlistenable. I tried, so help me I tried, but I cannot sit and force myself to pay attention to the weak, faux-inspirational meanderings of Mr Aiken. With all due respect.

Instead, here's a story about him becoming a father. Allegedly. That's pretty camp.

Christmas in July

My life has been falling together in excellent ways, and the weeks ahead are looking to only be better. Christmas really came early for me this year, and the three presents I've received over the past couple of days are:

1. Staying up until 3:00 this morning to finish the last Harry Potter book. Yay magic!

2. Being informed via anonymous comment Made of Trash's analysis of the Tammy Faye death made it to Slate.com. Yay internet!

3. Finding out minutes later Lindsay Lohan was arrested again for DUI. Yay trainwreck!

4. Learning my favorite people in the whole world, Katie Price & Peter Andre, named their new baby girl Princess Tiàamii.

All is right in Trashley's world at the moment. It is, without question, the Summer of Dreamz.

A Whole New World

Lo, the Gods of Trash have surely smiled upon me, for what better way to end a day of British-inspired trash than to announce the pregnancy of everyone's favourite model/singer/actress/author/role-model Jordan? There is no better way, not if Margaret Thatcher herself had died.

Say You'll Be There

Eddie Murphy may or may not be the father of Mel B's (Spice Girls) fetus. It looks like he wants a paternity test, and unless those two take this shit to Maury Povich (or to his UK equivalent, Jeremy Kyle), I am. not. interested. As far as Eddie Murphy is concerned, I'm pretty sure no one has cared about him since 1987, and Mel B is one of the least-screwed-up former Spice Girls tripping around the globe. I hope the baby is his. And I hope it has a learning disability - that way they'll have to work together to raise awareness of Dumb Baby Syndrome and there will tons of awesome PSAs on both sides of the Atlantic.

Retarded Press Release

Someone, somewhere, has started a rumor that Sandra Bullock is pregnant. Here's what she and husband "Jesse James" had to say about that:

"We are not with child, but we are pregnant with ideas."

I hope you've enjoyed my first and last installment of Sandra Bullock news. I think I'll watch Demolition Man.

Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me

This is the most evil commerical ever.

This Just In!

Madonna may or may not have adopted a baby! Perhaps! No one can really say! Remember her cornrows?!

Sweet Baby Jesus

It appears that God has taken no part in knocking up Keisha Castle-Hughes , the girl you know from Whale Rider. Well, she's going to play Virgin Mary in this holiday season's(!) The Nativity Story, but her boyfriend claims to be the father! I say he and God take this to "The Maury Show," where all things Good take place. She is only 16, after all.