Trashley Simpson

This is what I'd look like as a "Simpsons" character. Note the thick waist and lack of a smile - it's eerily accurate! (Though my eyes don't float off of my face. Usually.) Want to make your own Simpsons-thing? Go here, and make sure to screen grab because they don't have a 'save' option. There's nothing like a little free internet promotion to make sure people check out your summer blockbuster that should have been released 15 years ago!

Context!

I wonder what happened to Blind Melon's Bee Girl? What if they're dating?? That would be as awesome as an independent coffee shop that also sells used records.

Trashley Illustrates a Current Event!

Well, car bombs in London today - drawing features an almost-exact quote from a real-life Londoner. Oh, how I admire their world-weary attitude.

This Blog is Rated...

That's what the internet says, so it must be true.

Moving On

I've moved on (a little) from yesterday's love of Hanson. I'm older. I'm wiser. I'm more mature - the things I loved when I was twelve mean a little less today. Why? Well, I found a setlist from a recent Smashing Pumpkins reunion show. Now the things I loved when I was fourteen are all I care about.

Highlights, you say? Well, how about: Today, Bullet with Butterfly Wings, Rocket, 1979, Tonight, Tonight, Zero, Disarm, Shame, Silverfuck, and Hummer. That's at least a solid 35 minutes of fucking awesome right there, kids. Certainly worth any new songs thrown at my face.

Gah, the '90s. I need to buy a babydoll dress and combat boots.

Happy Birthday

Made of Trash has been here for a year now.

I really need to get out more.

Da Shop Boyz: Culturally Retarded or Calling Us Out?

I'm betting you've heard the hip-hop hit "Rock Star" by Da Shop Boyz. At first I thought it was an okay song that reaffirmed the message of smarmy music journalists around the world: rap is the new rock because raw youth believes it to be more dangerous and sexy. But now, upon repeat listens, I'm torn - the song is total bullshit. Maybe.

The lyrics to "Rock Star" offend me on a very personal level: not because of the references to 'hos' and 'bitches,' but because there isn't a current, decent example of a rock star in the whole goddamn song. If you're going to write about pop culture, relevance is key. This of course begs the question: are they intentionally using passe examples as an exercise in irony, or are they really that stupid? Here's a list of the name-checked 'rock stars:'

Pamela (Anderson) - Not a rock star, but sleeps with some of the more famous party guys. Hasn't been even close to sexy for about 15 years.

Marilyn Manson - Is this who rappers consider a rock star? Are rappers 15-year-old Nebraskans living in 1994?

The Osbournes - If they had just mentioned Ozzy, it would have been fine. He does a ton of drugs, like rockstars are supposed to. But to bring in the whole family (on a golf course, no less) takes the bite out of the premise.

Travis Barker - I know who he is, but I really don't care. Does anyone care? I have no idea.

"cowabunga/totally dude" - Were the Ninja Turtles rock stars, or is this the key to everything? No one likes dead slang.

So what do you think? Are Da Shop Boyz totally ignorant of the rock music culture they profess to live, or are they taking the piss out of rock fans for not having any new icons? Or am I way overthinking a mildly catchy dance song?

Paris Out of Jail

I still really, really don't care, but I feel like I must make one comment - this is the best I have ever seen her look. It's kind of like she's an actual person for the first time in her life. Also? I want that jacket - it beats Martha Stewart poncho by miles.

Help a Bitch Out!

Friends,

You see that flashing thing over there on the right? It's my first ever ad, and it's for Hanson. Actually, it's an ad for Hanson plus an awesome contest where the person who directs the most traffic to their site will have a song written about them - BY HANSON.

I don't know if you can fully grasp how much that would mean to me. I loved Hanson. Loved them truly, with all of my little heart. (I was a Taylor girl, of course.) To participate in this contest feels a bit silly, but in the depths of my pop-culture obsessed brain, it's all making perfect sense. The idea that there is a glimmer of a chance Hanson (the actual real-life Hanson) could write a likely unreleased, by-the-numbers pop rock song about me (based on a survey I fill out, I think) would mean more to me than probably anything, ever.

Seriously. So please, click the link. Tell your friends to click the link. Teach your grandma how to use the internet and ask her to click the link. It's going to be there starting now until mid-September, so you might as well get it out of the way.

Yours,

Trashley

Underage Crush of the Year

Move over, Harry Potter - meet Jesse Lange. I found a clip this 16-year-old high school student on Best Week Ever going to town on O'Reilly. Since I don't watch Fox News, I can't put this 'controversy' in perspective, but it sounds totally innocuous and I'm glad there are underage hotties like Jesse sticking up for reason and (by means of exact quotes) hilarity. Love you!

O Noes!

Advertising has worked wonders on me, because I am now 100% positive these two men, whose names I don't even know, are starring in the best television show I'm never going to watch. Why? I think they might be funny, and I know they're kind of hot. Even though I'm getting some dirty hipster VD vibes, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't care. That's how they do it in the NZ.

Thanks, HBO. Thanks, "Flight of the Conchords." Keep on doing whatever it is you do, I guess.

Hey, Look!

I found a very scientific diagram thingie I made a few years ago - it shows the decreasing age of Hugh Grant's romantic interests in films over the years. I'm what you call a 'visual thinker.' So is Hugh Grant, I imagine.

Trashley Illustrates a Current Event!

Holy Fucking Shit! The iPhone is almost here!

Friday Quiz - 22 June

Oops! I'd forgotten about Friday Quizzes. Bad Trashley! Here's an all Summer of Dreamz edition! Only ten questions, summer ain't got time for 20! Answers in the comments!

1. Who was the founder of the Lilith Fair?
2. Who was the founder of Lollapalloza?
3. Who were the fouders of Live Aid?
4. Who were the founders of Farm Aid?
5. Which summer blockbuster starring Will Smith was released first: Men in Black, Independence Day, or The Legend of Bagger Vance?
6. Which summer blockbuster was NOT an animated film: Finding Nemo, Madagascar, or 8 Mile?
7. What was the first-ever Nickelodeon movie?
8. What cult comedy starring members of "The State" takes place at a Jewish summer camp?
9. In television scheduling terms, what it is called when a show is on hold for the summer?
10. Why, in 50 words or less, is the extened September-May television season (featuring numerous reruns) irrelevant?

Question...

Is Tim Roth hot?

Answer: yes. He is also awesome in every way you could imagine, plus 10. These are true facts.

Paul McCartney

I don't know what to do with you. My feelings about your recent record promotions are, at best, conflicted. Let's start off with your new album title, Memory Almost Full. Um, the hell? Just because it's the 21st century doesn't mean you have to make everything seem all cool and computer-y and tech-forward, which I'm almost certain was your goal. Just because it sounds like something teh yoof would buy, it doesn't necessarily follow that they will. Moving on, my second issue is with this photo. It's for promoting the record at Starbucks, which I don't have a problem with - what I hate is the pose. Seriously. It's probably the douchiest thing you could have done, and that makes me mad. Let go of your jacket, unpucker your lips, and just smile. It's not that difficult.

And here's where the conflict comes in - I can't decide if this iPod/iTunes commerical is the cutest, most affable thing you've done since I was born, or if it's just on the other side of "High as Fuck." A mandolin? No.



Look, I'm not one of those people who's going to give you a free pass forever because you were cool when you were in your early twenties. Most people are cool when they're young. Even though I really, really want to like you, you're pretty inconsistent when it comes to music, the press, and self-promotion. My advice to you is this: stop trying so fucking hard.

I Miss LOST

So, just eight more months until the fourth season of "Lost." That's really, really too much for me to bear. I need that show in my life, but all I have now are DVDs and clips of the actors in other roles.

Here's Matthew Fox with stupid, stupid '90s hair playing it cool on "Party of Five." This scene paid for that ugly tattoo we had to have a whole fucking episode about. Hate.



Michael Emerson kills people in Saw, which I haven't seen. I still think he's less annoying than Matthew Fox. Reluctant Love.



Josh "Sawyer" Holloway dumbs it down a notch on "CSI." He must be like the world's greatest method actor. Bad Actor Love?



Henry Ian Cusick does something called "Murder Rooms," and I have no idea what's going on, but I do know he's in late Victorian costume drinking tea and I will love him until I die. TRUE LOVE.

Question...

Is John Donne hot?

If I were Bionic Woman, what would I wear?

I saw Knocked Up last weekend. While I laughed a lot and thought it was pretty good overall, the real magic of the movie hit me a few hours later.

Remember the guy who can't cut his hair?

That's fucking Bill Haverchuck.

The actor's name is Martin Starr, and he's kind of pretty hot now. Like, Krumholtz hot. I'm sure there's a lesson in here somewhere. It probably has something to do with beards.

Put a Rainbow on It

The US Air Force actually totally really sincerely honestly looked into building a "gay bomb" to drop on our enemies (of which there are many). Even overlooking the ridiculous homophobia of the plan, I don't see how it could work. What if it leaks on the plane? Then our own boys will want to start making out and before you know it, gay will spread everywhere, and trust me, that does not come off with bleach. Between this and the Army Robot Bear, I don't know which branch of the military is wasting your money more. Good thing I don't pay taxes.

Son of a Bitch

SUMMER OF DREAMZ 2007

I. THE SEASON

1. From June through August, the Northern Hemisphere is closer to the sun than any other time of year.

2. The energy from the sun warms the waters and causes nature to explode.

3. The colour and life given to the Earth by the sun awakens the dormant creativity of the human race.

4. This creativity is displayed through song, dance, love, laughter, and dreamz.

5. The creative dreamz of summer are as fleeting as the season itself.

II. THE PEOPLE

1. To embrace every moment, the people will make their dreamz reality.

2. The more dreamz made true, the richer summer shall be.

3. Ill consequences and hurt are of little concern to the dreamerz.

4. One person's dreamz can benefit the dreamz of all.

5. It is the right of the dreamerz to embrace all things summer has to offer.

III. THE DREAMZ

1. Any and all dreamz can be achieved during summer.

2. Simple dreamz and pleasures are as valid and valued as the grand.

3. Dreaming a dream is the first step to completion.

4. Awareness of the Summer of Dreamz is just as crucial.

5. All dreamz created during Summer 2007 have the right to be alive.

Question...

Is Casey Affleck hot? I think he might be.

Zack Attack

Hey, you guys want every episode of "Saved by the Bell" online?

Okay.

Trashey Illustrates a Current Event!

Idiot Travels With TB

BREAKING!

Paris Hilton jail, blah blah blah.

I don't care. I need a new banner.

In fact - I think I should have a banner contest!

Send in your killer designs to the e-mail address listed in my profile, and the winner will not only receive full credit published on the internet, he/she will also get a very special secret prize!

Requirements: Banner must be trashy and feature the name of the blog in some manner; must be the same size of current banner; must send me instructions on how to change it ('cause if I knew how to do this shit I'd do it myself); must be awesome.

The contest is open from RIGHT NOW to whenever, so hop to it cats and kittens!

Teddy Rupskin 2.0

Did you know the army is developing a robot to carry wounded soldiers out of harm's way? It's true. Did you know said robot is also going to have a teddy bear head "designed to be reassuring?" Also true.

My suggestion? Rather than build robot bears to remove injured teenagers from battle, give the bears arms of guns and eyes of lasers. Stupid army.

Is This Like, a Plague?

Made of Trash typically ignores the political goings-on of the world at large because 1. it's not trashy enough and 2. you'll probably agree with my analysis and that's boring. BUT - last night I was watching teh newz and saw South Dakota has been suffering from a major drought that's killing livestock and allowing prairie dogs to overrun what little grazing land is left. To manage this problem, officials want to poison the cute little furry mammals so the cows can get back to eating grass.

Wait a second, isn't South Dakota the state that passed that crazy abortion ban a while back? Yes, yes it is. Isn't it primarily the view of religious conservatives that life begins at conception so abortion MUST BE murder? Yes, yes it is. So. Don't religious conservatives also believe all the wonders of the universe (including pregnancy) are created by God - except droughts, I guess. I mean, we all know God's too busy running awards shows to check the weather nowadays.

So if something (typically believed to be) caused by God is inconvenient to farmers, the solution is to kill it. Hypoctites!

Spiders on Drugs

Some things just speak for themselves: craked-out spiders, for instance. Oh, the beauty of nature.

Olympics - Now More Irrelevant Than Ever!

Those who know me know me as an Anglophile, and for the most part it's nothing to be ashamed of. Good authors, good television, good music, good looking - love it. I'm not a sports fan, but when London won the bid for the 2012 Olympics, I thought it was pretty cool. I mean, I'd be more interested in watching mushrooms grow than to spend 8 hours a day cheering for people jumping over sticks, but whatever.

That whatever has increased tenfold when I saw the official logo for London's summer Olympics:



Um, what? I thought Britian likes to think it's on the cutting edge of the arts - and this is what they shat out? First off, I don't think anyone's been to a rave in about 15 years, and if they're still going on, I'm almost certain the fashions have progressed beyond the Crayola reject color scheme. I think I had that pattern on a shirt when I was eight.

Way to drop the discus, England. Lame.