Paris Out of Jail

I still really, really don't care, but I feel like I must make one comment - this is the best I have ever seen her look. It's kind of like she's an actual person for the first time in her life. Also? I want that jacket - it beats Martha Stewart poncho by miles.

Paris Going To Jail

No, seriously. Probation violation is a bitch.

Dreams Come True!!!!

Paris and Nicole are BFF again!!! Now if only I could find the courage to end my long-standing feud with Jennifer Love Hewitt, the world would be at peace agan.

Deep Thoughts

If Paris Hilton is punched by Shanna Moakler over Travis Barker, does the fist to jaw contact make a sound?

How many orphaned babies will die because celebrities won't adopt them?

How many times will Eva Longoria cry for help before I care who she is or what she does?