I feel as if I've hit some sort of blogger milestone - near-relevance. How do I know? I opened up my inbox to find not one, but two
e-mails from friends suggesting topics for skewering.
You guys. You're going to make me cry.
Funnily enough, the two sites/stories they send me kind of work together! I was directed to Elton John's call to 'close'
the internet, which: hilarious. Hilarious especially because "He described himself as a luddite when it comes to technology and said he didn't own a mobile phone or an iPod." That's like asking a vegetarian what cut of meat is best or asking a religious male politician what I should do with my fetus! (Oh, wait.)
Elton blah blahs about music and blah blahs about how kids are indoors all the time, but he misses what the internet is really all about: pornography. Which is where my next site comes in - well, it's not porn. But they do talk at great length about loving little girls. Here's what the site looks like (screencap so you won't get arrested):
Cute, right? Well, it's all sugar and shitty design before you actually start to read the thing and figure out it's about adult love and appreciation for little girls. They liken themselves to Lewis Carroll and Alice, but it struck me more as early Humbert and Lo: he said he would never hurt a girl until he ends up raping one.
The friend who sent me that site is a journalist so I'm not going to ask any questions - but still, Elton: if the internet is shut down, these crazy girllovers are just going to roam the streets, swooping down on any children stupid enough not to be inside with their computers and video games! Think ahead, man!