Tuesday, September 30

My New Thing: Rat-Like Hotness

Example One: Charlie Day
Example Two: Sam Rockwell
How can you not be charmed by their adorable, rat-like faces and vague, sexy grossness? I love them and their lazy facial hair and want them to stay in my life forever. Charlie Day is the best part of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," the best comedy on television. And Sam Rockwell is actually like, an established character actor who has genuine talent. More of this sort of thing, Hollywood!


Monday, September 29

Just to Clarify...

Oliver Stone's W. is supposed to be a comedy, isn't it? I mean, "What a Wonderful World." Come on. That's funny, right?

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Sunday, September 28

My Problem With Kirk Cameron

My major problem with Kirk Cameron is not that he alienated himself from his "Growing Pains" cast members by haranguing them about Jesus (I imagine it must take a lot to piss off Alan Thicke), or that he and his Kiwi pal don't understand bananas and use their confusion as part of thier ministry, or that he played a character named Buck Williams in the movies about being Left Behind, or even that he has fundamental (heh) problem with his stated profession of acting by going so far as to have his real-life wife act as a stand-in in a kissing scene.

No, my problem is that he is all of these things and yet totally hot. Couldn't he have the decency to look as crazy as he actually is?


Saturday, September 13


This is what you find when you Google image people for no particular reason.

Sorry. I'm a liar. I have a reason and the reason is his hotness.
I love you Ryan, and I promise not to make fun of your '90s hair or hilarious exclamatory fonts ever again.


Friday, September 12

Are These Pictures Actually In My Face?

Do you like to watch morbidly obese people fall down? Do you like it when black women call themselves "sassy mamma" or when Italians give a shout-out to their 500 paisans back in Brooklyn? 
Well then, you racist, offensive son-of-a-bitch, Fox's "Hole in the Wall" is just the show for you! This American remake of a Japanese game show features our nation's fattest, most stereotyped clichés almost literally jump through hoops for your amusement!
I don't know what the point is, I don't know what the prize is, but there is no way this sort of ritual humiliation can be worth it. America did finally implode upon itself on September 11th, but it had nothing to do with airplanes and everything to do with ordinary citizens debasing themselves in shiny jumpsuits for, at most, 9 minutes on television.
I hope you're happy. May the Large Hadron Collider mercifully destroy us all.

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Monday, September 1

David Duchovny in Sex Addict Rehab (And Other Things I Don't Care About)

First of all guys, Duchovny has been in two good things: "Red Shoe Diaries" and Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. Secondly, I don't care about his acting, his face, and especially his personal life. Since I am bored to death of all this David Duchovny gossip going on right now, I thought I'd share a list of other recent news items I'm not interested in:
  • It's the final season of "The Shield"
  • Miley Cyrus in general
  • The Jonas Brothers in specific
  • The Disney Channel as a rule
  • Christina Aguilera's baby
  • Lindsay Lohan's father
  • Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage


Seriously. Republican Vice Presidential nominee Palin named her baby Trig. And she has a son named Track which seems positively reasonable by comparison. However, while you're laughing at Governor Palin's senior class schedule of baby names, don't forget that she doesn't believe any woman should have any option but to have that baby should she find herself pregnant! And McCain totally agrees!

So, while you're in the ballot box this November, laugh and laugh at little Trig's name and think: do you want (or want your partner) to carry mathematical rabebabies, incestbabies, drunkbabies, slutbabies and "oh shit this baby has no head" babies to term? Probably not!

Anti-choice is never cool, no matter how hilarious their names may be. Trig!