More Like the WRONG Stuff!

Like all reasonable 6-year-olds in 1990, I was in absolute love with New Kids on the Block. Years of television and huffing have worn away all but the vaguest memories - a cartoon here, a poster there. I believe a branded sleeping bag was involved somehow. I don't even know how I was aware of pop music merchandising at that tender age, but aware I was and buy into it I did.

To be honest, I can't even remember all of their names anymore without the help of Wikipedia, so forgive me for not exactly wetting my pants over the reunion. No doubt they have bills to pay like all of us, and I'm not against boy band reunions in either practice or principle. I'm just not expecting their new songs to be any fucking good.

Yeah, new songs, that's how I'm judging boy bands from now on. Nostalgia and hardheadedness can excuse away many a classic track, but "Hangin' Tough" sucks and we all know it. If you want me to butter your lo-carb bread, you're going to have to pull out all the stops, my friend. Why should I pay to see you now that you're old and ugly? Chances are you're going to destroy what nice childhood memories I had, vague as they might have been. Give me something new and good, maybe we'll talk.

The Gold Standard of boy band reunions is Take That, a mid-90's Brit act almost totally unknown in he US. "Back for Good" was a minor hit, but Jesus, these guys were huge in the UK. It was kind of a big deal when they reunited (minus Robbie Williams) a couple of years ago, and became an even bigger deal when their new songs were really fucking good.


I want to get married to this song I love it so much.

It's absurd how much money they're making in Britain this very minute, from touring, record sales, song licensing, and even modelling and spokesmanship. It helps that they've actually gotten much hotter with age, something that NKOTB managed to sidestep completely.

So what we have left is this: mostly ugly dudes singing old songs that weren't that great to begin with and new songs that are probably going to suck to a bunch of people that don't really remember them that well anyway. I'm hoping your breath wasn't particularly bated.