Am I Ever Glad I Watched 'The Hills"

So I watched the pre-show, premier, and post-show Mariah party of "The Hills" last night, and it was probably one of the best decisions I've made in a very long time. Most people would call that admission an example of why I am shallow and dumb, but I shall retort with a bulleted list of things I learned:

• Teen Vogue is no place for a fake intern who actually wants a career in fashion - they send them off to Paris with no idea how to pronounce Givenchy!
• Blond men should not grow facial hair, as demonstrated by Spencer's pube chin
• omg curling irons totally burn fabric!!!!
• Mariah Carey does not give a fuck wants you to know it
• Rather than showing videos, MTV plays a song over a show but still gives the artist and song title. This is actually a pretty good idea because most music videos are retarded.
• Yelle is awesome.
• Alicia Keyes is not.

See? You can't learn that shit from a book, nerds! Maybe you should go to the university of life for a semester or two!