Rerun Blogging the VH1 Big in '06 Awards!

You've heard of live blogging? Well, I'm rerun blogging, which means I took notes when I watched the pre-taped event earlier in the evening, and am putting those scribbled thoughts into text on the interweb. I've just now invented the concept. Brilliant.

First and foremost, I can go ahead and tell you the exact moment pop culture imploded upon itself: and it happened on VH1. The popular and awesome "I Love the..." series did an episode on 1994 and discussed the horrible, horrible film Reality Bites. Now, that particular movie serves no other purpose than to remind Generation X of the cartoons and songs they loved in their adolescence, and to pop culturally reminisce about pop cultural reminiscence is such a useless, self-congratulatory exercise I can't help but love it and devote many hours of my day to further capturing the phenomenon. Thus comes "Big in '06."

It was basically a two-hour episode of "Best Week Ever," only there was an audience present. The biggest names in attendance were Justin Timberlake (who was slumming) and Ice-T (who is my 3rd favorite "SVU" detective), though I'm sure they were blinded by the shining superstars of tomorrow like Lonelygirl15 and Perez Hilton.

Yes, the internet, appropriately enough, played a vital role in the night's festivities. There was a whole category for "Web Hit of the Year" that Lonelygirl15 eventually won, in spite of the fact she's no longer topical, and the nonsensical competition from OK Go and "London Bridge" by Fergie. What the fuck Fergie's single has to do with the web, I don't know.

As far as out-and-out ridiculousness was concerned, there were three moments that could take the cake. If Mario Lopez and Joey Lawrence present an award to David Hasselhoff for "Best Comeback," does the baby Jesus cry? Or does an angel get his wings when Perez Hilton gives Paris Hilton her shiny trophy for "Outlaw" of the year? She has been wearing panties lately, I guess. I suppose the most ridiculous moment came courtesy of Dennis DeYoung (yes, Styx) singing "Lady" to a parade of reality television females of the past year, capped of by a sashay from Miss J of "America's Next Top Model." Yes, Miss J is a man.

Of course, it's easy to overanalyze trash culture; to elevate it beyond it's purpose as if it fills some greater social need than entertainment. I was feeling guilty of this until Stephen Colbert won the award for "Big Breakthrough." Naturally not present, he dismissively accepted his trophy in character while polishing his real awards. It's obvious he was joking. It's obvious he really didn't care.

Of course, I'm just joking, and I really don't care, yet I still take the time to write notes and organize my thoughts into hopefully some amusing rant about the state of pop culture. I'd love to be a guest talking head on "Best Week Ever" or, dream of dreams, host "The Soup." I think that would be the moment I would implode upon myself from the forces of uselessness and purpose.