Trashley's Valentines! Jeremy Kyle!

Heartbreakingly, most of you won't know who Jeremy Kyle is, and YouTube has no examples of his God-given talents as mediator, voice of reason, and judgemental bastard. I've tried to describe the style of his talk show many times, but can't quite find the right comparisons - the closest I've been able to come is he has guests the caliber of Ricki Lake (double V-Day shout-out!), yet he possesses the attitude of Dr. Phil.

But with Jeremy, there's something more. The setup of his show features a different topic for every segment between commercials, which should (in theory) revolutionize the genre of daytime talk trash. In the space of an hour, you can be confronted by pathetic teen runaways, men who dispute paternity claims, and desperate alcoholic grandmothers crying out for help.

I'm totally in awe of the way he handles his guests. Casually lounging on the steps of the stage, he'll try to have a serious one-on-one with these about their problems before raising his voice and leaping to (usually valid!) conclusions. Most people who host these kinds of shows attempt to show solidarity with the people they have on the show. Maury and Sally Jessy are pleased as punch to act a fool, but not Jeremy. He knows they're trash(!), and makes no bones about judging them.

Jeremy Kyle is a smug bastard. Jeremy Kyle is a little bit handsome. Jeremy Kyle is the king of stating the obvious to the most retarded people in the north of England, and for all these reasons, I love him.