Wednesday, April 4

Ugly Authors

I was reading an article in tehNYT about the sexing up of Jane Austen for book covers. No one really cares if she wasn't much of a looker, but then I started thinking: has there ever been an attractive author? And when I say author, I mean "a person who writes books or poems or stories for a living," not this "I'm Nicole Richie and I'm gonna 'write' a book!" shit. Anyway, some examples:

George Eliot: Seriously. What photographer would even recommend that angle? I guess she has a nice smile? Also, darling, flat hair never does anyone any favors - and you need all the distractions you can get.

Hans Christian Andersen: Not only are you ugly and gaunt, you're giving off serious creep vibes, and that disturbs me because of all the fairy tales. You're not Lewis Carroll. Only non-uggos can be all weird around kids. It's a fact.

Alexander Pope: Dude, you look JUST LIKE that evil professor in the first Harry Potter book, except he's fictional and you're real. You're also less than 5 feet tall, and if I remember correctly, a humpback. Loser.

Mark Twain: It's not even that you're just ugly, man, it's like you're screaming "pay attention to me!" The wacky eyebrows, the mustache, the white suit: it's all too much.

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