Things Cops Found in My Pockets That Don't Belong To Me - I Swear!

Everyone knows Lindsay Lohan's been arrested again, only this time she's claiming innocence regarding her blood alcohol level and the cocaine allegedly found in her pocket. While her history is certainly against her, the police are not infallible. Many blameless people are currently unjustly incarcerated in the United States, and let's not forget: everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Don't you watch "Cops?" Anyway, just in case I don't make it out of this weekend unscathed, here's a list of things currently in my possession that totally don't belong to me:

• That bag of cocaine I just bought
• Prescription pills in my dead grandmother's name
• A list of my known enemies titled "To Kill"
• The smoking gun
• A Horcrux
• Pedro, the illegal immigrant who mows my lawn
• Jimmy Hoffa's body (which happens to be clutching a JFK assassination confession)
• Chinese Democracy
• Bruno Magli shoes