They Will Never Love You

The other day I accidentally found my television transmitting the show "Still Standing" which is about a fat schlub married to a hot wife, as far as I can tell. It's one of my greatest TV peeves - the bland sitcom about an impossible marriage.

Don't mistake me, lovely women fall in love with average-looking guys all the time. Sometimes they're funny, sometimes they have money, and sometimes good old-fashioned romance saves the day. But these TV husbands are not funny, wealthy, or romantic: they are the poorly-veiled sitcom writers themselves. The men (and almost all of them are) who never got the girl who are now trying to live vicariously through their shittily-produced craft. Even the sitcoms that star or are written by women perpetuate this bizarre double-standard. The women are usually single and sassy, and trying to deal with the world of dating/divorce as best they can. Even if they are wives, who are they married to? John Goodman. Bill Cosby if you're lucky.

You know who I blame it on? "The Honeymooners." Once again, the 1950s have ruined everything for everyone, everywhere. Or at least ruined it for me.